Most of The Men On My Dating Apps Fail At Communication
If I swipe right on someone, he’s made enough of an impression that I am actually interested in making a connection with him. I would love to go on a date with this man. That’s my goal.
So, let’s imagine I’ve swiped right on a man’s dating profile, and he’s swiped right on mine, and BOOM, we have a match. The only way a guy could lose my desire for a date at this point, is through communication failure.
Communication is critical.
Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. I am 40 years old, and hope that a date could eventually become a relationship. For me, it is necessary that potential matches come with a solid set of basic relationship skills (aka they’re not big babies who are going to make me do all the work.) The communication style a man displays within the first week of chatting says a lot, and I am amazed that most of the men that I connect with fail at basic communication skills.
Here are the two biggest mistakes, and why I un-match from the men who commit them.
He Leaves Me Hanging
This perplexed me for the first few months that I was on the apps. Whether right after our initial hello, or after a few days of engaging chit chat, I would be met by a wall of silence.
Guys are on the apps because they want to meet and engage with a potential match. Right?
I used to spend time wracking my brain, thinking about the myriad of reasons why a man might have dropped off, guessing whether or not he might come back, and wondering what I should do in the meantime. I’ve stopped doing this. Why? Because I’ve realized that these questions, and their answers, don’t matter. It’s not my job to figure dudes out. If a guy disappears without explanation it means one of two things, either he’s not interested in me, or he’s inconsiderate. Neither bodes well for romance, obviously.
Sometimes people need a break from the apps in general, or from our conversation in particular. I get that. Sometimes, I too get busy or just feel like taking a break. If I know I won’t be able to chat for a few days I go into my various conversations and say, hey fellas, I won’t be here for a few days. Just letting you know. I believe that I deserve the same courtesy. So, if a guy is inexplicably silent for a few days, I simply un-match. I think that leaving someone hanging says a lot about someone’s character, and I have no interest in giving my time to discourteous people.
He Doesn’t Ask Me About Me
This is the worst.
Me: What are you looking forward to this week Charlie?
Charlie: This week, nothing. Just going to work. Last week I went river rafting.
Me: Did you love it? Have you done it before?
Charlie: It was my first time, and I loved it.
Me: I’ve never done it. Did you go with a group?
Charlie: The river was high.
Me, (okay….): Do you enjoy your work?
Charlie: I do.
Me: What are you up to today?
Charlie: Working. Until 10.
Me: What kind of restaurant do you work for (I know from Charlie’s profile that he is a cook.)
Charlie: One is a Mexican restaurant but the building will be demolished soon, which I am not too happy about. The second one is an Irish Pub.
And on and on it goes without even a, “How about you?” I’ve had dozens of conversations like this. They are so painful. I used to just insert information about myself in the conversation, hoping to say something that might interest him. I do this less often lately and have been saying goodbye to these guys sooner. If a guy shows no interest in getting to know me, that’s a huge red flag for relationship issues I’d rather not have to address down the road. Charlie is a real guy, by the way, and I’ve been chatting with him for 3 days without a change to this pattern. I have given him a decent chance, and I will let him down easy because he seems like a nice man. But I will definitely be saying goodbye.
He’d Rather Hang Out Than Text
Great! This isn’t a flaw at all. There are a lot of really good reasons for this preference, and I respect it and think it is perfectly fair. Personally, I am good at written communication and not amazing at conversation until I get to know someone, so texting is my preference. But I understand that some people are just the opposite, and this is a wonderful test of our ability to give and take. If a man wants to meet up for a real conversation I am definitely game.
